Another Attempt.

We grasped our souls, we braced ourselves.

Never to forget the times I spent.

 

 

The red roses and the violets bright,

the whispers audible, the fire inside.

The words of soul, the thoughts so pure,

the time which now, lasts no more.

 

You were here then by my side,

I looked up to you but distances were wide.

I was lost and I couldn't deny,

I never refused and didn't ever try.

 

Now things are changed, times have passed.

We have changed and it all collapsed.

The feelings subsided, the lights are gone.

There were reasons enough but now there is none.



To Her From Him

To her, from him…

 

A fall so deep, felt inside.

Resisted and repelled but, strides.

 

That burning of soul, that uncanny nothingness,

In the heart, where it all resides.

 

A mystical river of thoughts invades,

The body, the mind and soul abide

 

Duped feeling and vulnerable thoughts,

Sleepless nights and insides cried

 

The insatiable and wandering soul,

Could have found love, undenied.

Written By Khuzaima (@iKhuzaima)

“It has been said, 'time heals all wounds.' I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone.”

I wonder what made Rose Kennedy to say this. Was she betrayed by her family, friends or both? Was she sent to Utopia where it was nothing short of a solitary confinement? Or did she lose everything in hope of a better tomorrow? Because only similar circumstances make you go through all this piteous healing. I believe Countess Rose said it for me.

---*---

It had been a month since I went into self-imposed exile. Finally my wounds were covered with scar tissues. The pain seemed bearable. I could feel it was time to come back to senses. And what could be better than to go home? So, I made up my mind, packed up bags and set the heading. Throughout the journey, I kept on thinking how would I meet them? Different ideas were pouring in from all directions but finally, I managed to shake them off. “It is not me but them who have to worry about all this”, I told myself.

Most of the times, when I overthink or deliberate beyond reason I tend to overreact. Same thing happened this time. My whole journey was spent thinking what would happen when I’d meet my family? But nothing unusual happened. I was greeted with same emotional welcome I was receiving for the last 10 years. Dinner included the very same less-spicy-favorites, followed by dessert. And we called it a night after my mother and sister filled me in with the latest gossips of the family. “All is well”, I told myself before going to the same bed and sleeping with same satisfaction that I always felt being at home.

After two days it was Eid. I felt the same amount of rejoice I was used to at such occasions since childhood. The family gathering was full of happening, as always. Finally, things were going like they used to and this feeling lit a light in my heart, I could feel the warmth. Though, a small incident did happen but it couldn’t spoil the ambience my body felt to be surrounded with. I was now more than willing to get my life back and indeed, things were turning out my way. I joined Twitter again and apparently seemed to be in full spirit to fly, like I used to. It was time to celebrate the Independence Day and almost everything was back to what it used to be. And then, I met her.

---*---

Not that I didn’t know her before, but it was the first time I noticed her in a different way, not to forget her ever again. As they say, first of the things are never forgotten. This was my ‘first’ time for her. Red embroidered suit and some part of the face. I may forget her most of the upcoming pictures but surely, I’ll never forget this one. She seemed reasonable and calculated with her words. My first impression was of a mature lady but only half of that came out to be true later on. She was mature but, she was just a girl. To my surprise, she was a teenager.

Like all other random conversations we have over social websites I was about to forget this brief encounter when, something came to my attention. She was tensed over something. It was obvious from her tweets. I decided to ask her and she replied in a polite manner. Although we disagreed with each other on most of the part, I found her to be logical and well versed. May be this paved way to our next meetings. A couple of games, discussions and sub tweets, I started to feel quite comfortable in sharing my expressions. And something started to build on its own.

Our conversations continued and one fine day I came to know about her birthday. “It is not going to be ordinary, I promise” that’s what I said. She gave a modest smile and we continued with other things. However, my mind was still there. I made up my mind to make her day one of those she will never forget. I myself believe in small acts of happiness so I decided to keep it to “sweet, simple and silly”. That is my way of showing expression of happiness. My reserved and nervous personality never allows me to go any further.

---*---

The clock struck 12 and I wished her birthday. I wanted it to be simple so didn’t say anything artificial and instead resorted to simple words and a simple card. She didn’t reply. I decided to keep other things waiting till she replies this one. Meanwhile, I continued with my usual business and slept late as it was Sunday next day. I woke up around 12 and found her reply. She was happy. She was happy not only because I wished but also because I wished her first. “It really makes you happy when someone wishes you on exact midnight”, she told me few nights after. She really notices even small things and this is a quality only few possess.

I ordered myself a chocolate fudge cake because she told me it was her favorite. It was just a symbolic gesture otherwise I never intended to send her anything. The day went on as usual but as the night started to come, we indulged in what I would always refer to as “our birthday conversation”. She talked about so many things and each thing would raise the bar of respect that I had for her. Still I don’t know much about her but surely she possesses the right qualities in the right quantities. An avid reader and listener of music, she can equally write well and few of her writings that I came across really surprised me. I cannot even imagine what she would be in a year or two.

There is no doubt that she has been raised by good parents in a good environment. She is a modern girl with traditions deeply rooted in her mind so I can say with confidence that she is an excellent blend of ‘deen’ and ‘dunia’. Always in a mood to talk and when she is not, she quietly moves away and you won’t even find it rude. She will come on later and will make up for her absence so you will wait for her next time when she is not there. My lack of creativity makes me unable to write what she exactly is but I do hope that whoever reads this will amplify the praises as she rightly deserves.

---*---

I do not know what the future holds for us. There was a time when I never imagined I would live without friends. But here I am, not living, but surviving, alone. Someone who has been involved in some sort of accident can never be the same. I think same holds for me. But still, life never lets you to have what you are expecting, be it happiness or sadness. Maybe this is an unexpected gift for me. Maybe life is about to unfold another drama. Who knows?

But here is to my new friend, Hira…

An Effort

Seeing through the light, distances far,

opening doors and lifting bars.

Those mysteries beyond imagination,

labyrinths and mazes, hopes which thoughts mar.

Until vanishes the sign of resolution.

 

Walking from my death, a bed of rocks.

Waking up, I am a wreck.

Remembering myself I don't understand,

memories of past in my mind are embed,

bringing to me the immense pain,

I hope I don't try again.

Nothing can take them away, but only time and moving clocks.

I am stuck behind these doors, chains and locks.

This goes on until my body aches

This goes on in my mind until the future shapes.

 

I lost the battle I had won.

Every moment passes and that time's gone.

Conjuring the might from with in,

leaving the pain behind,

lets begin! 

- Daniyal, Hira 

I Am Not You.

What the world knows not,

I am not the same.

I have a different blood,

rushing through my veins.

Pulverized and then rebuilt,

no regrets and no guilt.

Let gone of emotions through my words.

Now the sea is silent,

calm and peaceful.

Ask me and I will say,

I am not you except

that we are all from clay.

I bleed different.

I bleed emotions and humanity.

I bleed pride and serenity.

I bleed love and fraternity.

I am definitely not you!

Along The Street

It was a very quiet night, spread all over the sky and the stars blinking, when at one moment I could make out some and the other moment some more stars muddled into my sight. The street was also calm and quiet. I stood there beside the pavement making out which way to go but I realized that I have nowhere to go. I have no direction and my life is just a spontaneous train of multiple situations which create a mess at the back of my mind rather than creating a memory; a memory that can either be cherished or grieved. Unintentionally my feet gave up this never ending ambiguity and lifted themselves in a direction I would rather say was forward but I was walking the wrong way. The street was well lit by the street lamps, all of which were lighting up my dark way so that the right path was visible to me. Those lamps were present all in a row on both sides of the street equidistantly. There was a row of houses on either side, some which were picturesque and yet some whose gates were depicting a sight of misery and unfaithfulness of the times that have passed. They were rusting to deterioration. And those houses which had no paint on their concrete walls but there were signs of colours which showed that there was a time when they too bore paint. I could see some of the front yards and verandahs delighted with pleasant greenery, the flowers blossomed and leaves dancing with zephyrs that blew. I could compare this nature with deserted gardens, rusted leaves and withered trees in other yards. There was light but I could just notice the light that the street borrowed from the aiding lamps. The dark influenced the night so well that nothing else was visible to me away from that very spot of light. How well the night disguises the day… day when it is all bright and everything is so clear and visible. As soon as it ends, the night conceals it in itself that there is not a single spot of brightness left and everything falls into darkness. The blackness which seems so black that one might fear that they would never experience the day light again but yet we all rise again to witness the inevitable day that sprouts from the prestidigitator ‘night’, and begins to light up the world around us. Is this hope and despair? I stood there indulged in my thoughts and I lost track of time. I might have wasted several moments on such a worthless thought. I lifted my gaze and I could feel my eyes lit up with a burning desire. It felt as if there is some purpose I need to fulfill. And my feet lifted themselves this time not unintentionally but it was a well determined step and I turned backwards, this time the right way!

Angel Inside Me

Soon there will be nothing left.

Soon there will be no regret.

Sooner the world will see,

The angel thriving in me.

No worries, I have come

Through all the way till the End.

No worries I have survived

And I am the last one to stand.

I believe in greater good,

I believe in pure light,

 I believe myself to be with

The purist and deepest insight.

 

I am coming to get what I want.

I coming to get what I aim.

I will never stop fighting,

I will never stop surviving

Though I have been halted

By the winds blowing strong,

By the abominable storms,

By blinding mists and fogs

But I fetched myself together.

I tore my way through catastrophes.

Maybe I myself was the one,

To bring that wrath.

Maybe I was the one,

Who deserved this anger.

 

Someday sooner, I will take,

Myself to that level.

Someday I will be just like

A minute grain of sand.

I will bring down all my pride.

I will bring down all my Self.

And I will hide myself

Somewhere you will never find.

 

I will then stay blind

I will stay lost

I will preach my soul

I will preach my heart

I will gather again that might

I will gather again that insight

I will bring again that light

 I will be ready for my new flight.

 

A flight to take me far,

A flight to make me visible,

A flight I reckon will show you,

The inside of Me, the real Angel!

 

 

 

Unknown

I can see, I am not blind
the distances which separate.
The distances which are great.
I am not blind but I am lost
in arrays of time and chilled frost.
I am the one who is a stranger
to the beauty of the world unknown.
I can no more be the person,
who was once my very own.
These distances render me helpless
otherwise I could see you there.
No, you never think, its not felt here.
U are always in my heart and kept.
No, nothing from it was ever swept.


The World As I See

Black, black or white... The world as I see. Thinking and observing. This intriguing nature, the curious nature has brought me very closely at par with the bounties and dire that life has to offer. Though I am not a very knowledgeable person aufait with mysteries of life but there is something and everything queer and different in me.
I am not an able person and above all at this age people don't believe me either. I endeavour to know more and this is what makes me who I am. I vow to explore everything related to this world and have a little knowledge of Hereafter. Does it make me an ambitious person? If it does, then be it.
   I am not at all modest to claim that I am different. I would suggest you to think that you are different as well because no one is same, not even scientifically. The world does not know the light in you nor it knows your forte. I theorize that every person has been blessed this insight through which he perceives things differently. This ability to perceive things and to ponder over them irrelevantly is vital and important to develop the 'insight'.
This insight if procured and pertained promptly can open doors of eternal glory. This is therefore a forte which deserves accolade here and definitely it will be rewarded Hereafter.One has a pragmatic approach and saves himself from acute problems and prestidigitates from with in a mature and new him.

The Sotto Voce

Does it not tear your heart?

Does it not tear your soul?

People who have grieved,

People who can never forget,

But their loved ones deceived.

 

To see the people who have lost

Their loved ones to the earth?

To see the people who have nothing

Left, because they are not worth?

To see children beg on streets

When they should be taught?

To see the women’s disrespect

Who are responsible for a nations health?

To see the brutal blood shed

Of people who are no more but innocent?

To see the tyrants wanting more

And to never descend?

 

Are you blind? Can’t you see?

People hopeless, to be set free?

Are you deaf? Can’t you hear?

The sotto voce still unheard?

Are you dumb? Can’t you speak?

To begin a revolution streak!

I am alive!

Bringing myself into the situations to lead myself through the toughest times of my life. I want myself to be steady and spontaneous to tackle what is infront of me and also what I left behind. Don't I remember where have I gone wrong and where have I been mistaken? These errors and faults give me a new strength because they are the vital signs I seek to believe myself to be alive. I am alive because I learn, I am alive because I seek, I am alive because I remember and redempt and I am alive because not only I breathe but I take in every essence of life to gather the might inside me which no one can see but only I myself can feel it. I am alive!